Just Keep Flying

Since the beginning of the year, Mr. Bott has repeated one phrase which summarizes what I’m doing this year: “I’m building as plane as I’m flying it.” Initially I laughed as I heard the saying, it was an interesting perspective. However, as I kept reflecting on the phrase I realized that it aligned perfectly with what I was doing this year. Over this past week, I feel as if I’m thinking about it more. Like I’ve done in the past, I resort to journaling to put my feelings out in writing. It has helped me ‘figure things out’ in a way, I find that doing these types of journals help me the most. So, here I go.

As I said, I realized that this phrase is the essence of what I’m doing this year. However, the more I keep thinking about it, I get nervous. Now I don’t want this feeling to get misinterpreted, I am in no way regretting the decision I’ve made. In fact, I knew what I was getting into. I in no way expected this to be easy, I didn’t want it to be. It’s just that I’m feeling the heat of building a thesis project in one year. While I know that I will get this done, this feeling persists. I admire my EMC classmates, I find it fascinating to observe and learn about what they’re doing. However, this is what, I feel, makes me nervous. I’m building off of ground zero, they’re building off of last year. So, while I know they should be and are farther along I still feel as if I’m behind in a bad way. I hate this feeling. Anyone who knows me knows that I hate falling behind, it’s one facet of my perfectionism that gets to me like no other.

So while I’m moving along at my pace, I need to work on alleviating these feelings. While I believe perfectionism is a big reason as to why I am the student I am, I can’t allow it to get to me. This year will be a challenge, and that why I enrolled in this course for a second time. I want to stretch my brain, I want to grow, I want to be pushed to my limits; it’s what I crave as a student. I will make it, it’s going to happen.